Dearest blog,
This is going to those who just graduated High School or who are about to graduate. You pretty much have two choices. One, you move out of your parents house, get a job, and postpone more school (if of course you decided to keep going.). Two, you go to get more schooling and realize that it wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
No one ever tells you that after high school you pretty much have no one. You have your parents, of course, that still talk to you just to see if you are doing alright without them. But all in all, I'm pretty sure after you move out they just kind of call every once in awhile because you're not with them anymore and they miss having someone around the house.
On occasion you'll hear from a friend who you use to go to school with. You have those conversations on how many awesome times you had together. Slowly, deeper and deeper into the conversation you realize they are only talking to you because one of three reasons. One, they themselves have no one to talk to and seen that you were online or not busy at the store. Two, seen that you might not be doing so well and they want to know what's going on so they can give them self some kind of reassurance that they are doing better than you are. Or three, they were a grade younger than you in school and at that particular time, they just wanted something to pass the time.
Hopefully you find someone who loves you, you move in with them and carry on your relationship for along time. Of course everyday holding on and hoping your relationship is for real and not just one of those petty relationships where you're all cute and shit for a little while and then CRASH! Turns to shit. But for the sake of this blog, you guys stay together. :) However, after you have your other you pretty much have no one else unless you seem to make friends at work, but then again you can't trust them really.
This was just a little shock of reality. This is pretty much what happens after high school. Unless of course you go off and blow what little money you make, at your minimum wage job, on alcohol or some kind of drug. I just thought I would blog about this because honestly, I wish someone would have told me this is what to be expected when you graduated.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wings.
Dearest blog,
Tonight, Adam and I were sitting at Wild Wings and I felt completely uncomfortable. So I do what I always do when I'm uncomfortable in public and just sort of stayed quiet, hold back tears, and waited for it to be all over. I think it's more or less just the fact that I do NOT like sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant. I prefer a booth. However, this is neither here or there.
The point of this blow is to tell you about the little girl that sat diagonal from us. She was about 10 or 11 and was over weight and so was her mother. Her and her mother were eating what looked like a burger and they ate it disgustingly. This brought back memories of my mom and I.
I remember being about that age and doing the same thing with my mother. But I also remember not liking to eat where everyone can see me. Because, you know, people do see you and they do judge you, just as I was always very paranoid about. People watch you from afar and make sure you can't see them watching you.
Anyways, while I was watching her and making sure her mother didn't see me staring and thinking I was some sort of freak. I thought about what I wish someone would have done to me when I was her age....just run up, grab my shoulders, shake me and tell me to stop eating because I'm only going to get bigger. I think if someone would have done that to me at that age, I would have been blessed with anorexia or some other kind of eating disorder because no one really messes with you when you're too skinny, but if you're slightly over weight, it's "fuck you".
I guess in my own sadistic way, I was trying to mentally save her from an over weight hell that the world so kindly makes for you.
Tonight, Adam and I were sitting at Wild Wings and I felt completely uncomfortable. So I do what I always do when I'm uncomfortable in public and just sort of stayed quiet, hold back tears, and waited for it to be all over. I think it's more or less just the fact that I do NOT like sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant. I prefer a booth. However, this is neither here or there.
The point of this blow is to tell you about the little girl that sat diagonal from us. She was about 10 or 11 and was over weight and so was her mother. Her and her mother were eating what looked like a burger and they ate it disgustingly. This brought back memories of my mom and I.
I remember being about that age and doing the same thing with my mother. But I also remember not liking to eat where everyone can see me. Because, you know, people do see you and they do judge you, just as I was always very paranoid about. People watch you from afar and make sure you can't see them watching you.
Anyways, while I was watching her and making sure her mother didn't see me staring and thinking I was some sort of freak. I thought about what I wish someone would have done to me when I was her age....just run up, grab my shoulders, shake me and tell me to stop eating because I'm only going to get bigger. I think if someone would have done that to me at that age, I would have been blessed with anorexia or some other kind of eating disorder because no one really messes with you when you're too skinny, but if you're slightly over weight, it's "fuck you".
I guess in my own sadistic way, I was trying to mentally save her from an over weight hell that the world so kindly makes for you.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Religion.
Dearest blog,
Personally, I believe people of different religions can never coexist if we're too hung up on religion in itself. No matter how much Americans say they want peace they won’t take the first step towards it. They, somewhat, wait for it to just happen and just let people fight in the name of religion. With this being stated, it is fair to say that religion has also caused violence.
Religious violence has probably existed for as long as religion. History has done nothing to calm the passions, hatred, and brutality expressed in the name of religion; if anything, the progress of science and technology have enabled religious extremists to hate and kill more effectively. Almost everyone would like to end the violence, but few understand its causes. Even worse, some religious believers are in denial about the causes and connections between violence and their religion. Which makes sense when every religion says to treat others kindly. Then again you can’t do that when you judge people for being different and not a copy of every other American. Many religions proclaim that they are peaceful and opposed to violence, but these same religions generally have traditions in which violence, war, and aggression not only exist but are permitted. However, most religious bigots do not see their own bigotry.
In my opinion the people of the United states of America don't really believe in the First Amendment. The First Amendment says it will protect your right to any religion but not the practice. To me, that is a little like saying “You can stick your hand in the cookie jar but you can’t have a cookie.” People of America may say they do believe in Freedom of Religion and that the law allows it, but in many ways it is not true when most Americans are Christian.
This is my opinion because I have witnessed this first hand. Being a different religion in a Christian society isn't easy. You are judged for not believing in the same thing that everyone else believes in and more than half the time you are told you are wrong, when in their mind they question their faith as well. Because honestly, if you have complete and total faith in your religion then why would you force it down someone else's throat instead of just saying to yourself "God will forgive them." Isn't that what the Christian religion says; that "God" loves everyone and forgives everyone for sinning?
I’m not here to say which religion is right or wrong, I’m here to say that I think people should come to the conclusion that everyone is different and they have the right to worship, think, and believe in what they want. Such as the Article 18 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) states, “Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience, and religion; this right includes freedom to change his(her) religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in a community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship, and observance.”
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Just him.
Dearest blog,
Here's a poem I wrote. Just about him. Ya know? :) Enjoy, I hope you will.
Just him.
His voice whispers through my ears
Like a song of a mocking bird
His thoughtfulness fights away my fears
Like a silent ninja never heard
His smile brings glee about me
Like a child with a new ballon
His eyes completely mesemorize me
Like a bright star next to the moon
His good looks could murderously kill
Like a homocidle maniac
His personality is somewhat confusing still
Like an enemy's plan to attack
His hair is short and wonderful
Like a velvet ribboned bow
His skin is unique and beautiful
Like a single flake of snow
**N0T3: No matter how hard I try to or wish to describe, I will NEVER be able to say what he means to me or how he makes me feel.**
yeah.
Dearest blog,
You know those night when you just realize everything is perfect? Yeah, I'm having one of those nights. Granted, all day wasn't the best of days, but at the end of the night when your with someone who loves you, you see that everything is perfect. Even when that person knows you have flaws and still sees the beauty in everything about you, it's wonderful. Just makes me grateful. <3
That is all.
You know those night when you just realize everything is perfect? Yeah, I'm having one of those nights. Granted, all day wasn't the best of days, but at the end of the night when your with someone who loves you, you see that everything is perfect. Even when that person knows you have flaws and still sees the beauty in everything about you, it's wonderful. Just makes me grateful. <3
That is all.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Yule.
Dearest blog,
I am Wiccan so I don't celebrate christmas, but instead we celebrated Yule. Yule, to sum it up, is pretty much like christmas with out the jesus and the satan clause. We still do big dinners and gifts, but it's pretty much to celebrate the changing of the season.
The reason I want to blog about this is because last night, before 12am, Adam and I were talking about it and he wanted to celebrate Yule instead of "christmas" beings I am Wiccan and he is reasonably an Atheist. So celebrating Yule for him is just "christmas" with out the religion and bull shit stories.
Personally, I loved this. I know most people really wouldn't make a big deal about it, but it's the fact that Adam was willing to celebrate a holiday with me, doing it the Wiccan way. I think more or less it was the fact that I felt accepted and that some one was willing to accept the way I live and celebrate the holidays. It brought me joy. :)
So to everyone else out there. I hope you had/have a wonderful Hanukkah, Merry christmas, Happy Kwanza and a peaceful Yule. :)
I am Wiccan so I don't celebrate christmas, but instead we celebrated Yule. Yule, to sum it up, is pretty much like christmas with out the jesus and the satan clause. We still do big dinners and gifts, but it's pretty much to celebrate the changing of the season.
The reason I want to blog about this is because last night, before 12am, Adam and I were talking about it and he wanted to celebrate Yule instead of "christmas" beings I am Wiccan and he is reasonably an Atheist. So celebrating Yule for him is just "christmas" with out the religion and bull shit stories.
Personally, I loved this. I know most people really wouldn't make a big deal about it, but it's the fact that Adam was willing to celebrate a holiday with me, doing it the Wiccan way. I think more or less it was the fact that I felt accepted and that some one was willing to accept the way I live and celebrate the holidays. It brought me joy. :)
So to everyone else out there. I hope you had/have a wonderful Hanukkah, Merry christmas, Happy Kwanza and a peaceful Yule. :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
A friend.
Dearest blog,
Have you ever met someone that just up and changes your life? For the good though, not in some negative way. I mean, significantly changed your life? I have met someone like that.
About 4 and a half years ago I met a friend online. At first we were just friends that talked every so often then we became friends that talked everyday. To this very day we still talk, which is always great because the friends I make just come and go. They come and go kind of like how Sebrina did. She was in my life for 7 years and turned on me. But this isn't about her. It's about someone else.
Like I was saying, I made a friend that didn't just change the fact that I had one more friend, but he changed the way I thought about things. See, we share the same kind of mental illnesses and how he coped with them is how I learned to cope. How he thought about things in a certain manner is how I eventually learned to think. We share the same religion so we had that "other person" to celebrate with. I mean, he had his friends to celebrate with, but he also celebrated them with me, even though we just did that online. We use to share all our closest, most secret stories to each other. Which I can't lie, it's always nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through. So all in all I'm glad we met.
I just wanted to say that. :)
The end.
Have you ever met someone that just up and changes your life? For the good though, not in some negative way. I mean, significantly changed your life? I have met someone like that.
About 4 and a half years ago I met a friend online. At first we were just friends that talked every so often then we became friends that talked everyday. To this very day we still talk, which is always great because the friends I make just come and go. They come and go kind of like how Sebrina did. She was in my life for 7 years and turned on me. But this isn't about her. It's about someone else.
Like I was saying, I made a friend that didn't just change the fact that I had one more friend, but he changed the way I thought about things. See, we share the same kind of mental illnesses and how he coped with them is how I learned to cope. How he thought about things in a certain manner is how I eventually learned to think. We share the same religion so we had that "other person" to celebrate with. I mean, he had his friends to celebrate with, but he also celebrated them with me, even though we just did that online. We use to share all our closest, most secret stories to each other. Which I can't lie, it's always nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through. So all in all I'm glad we met.
I just wanted to say that. :)
The end.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Fail.
Dearest blog,
Adam and I went to the store after I got off of work. Well, we bought a bunch of sugary goodness and a ginger bread house. When we get home we decided to put together our little house. First off, the house was broken in a few spots but I wanted to go ahead and do it while Adam ate our Santa Clause. I soon found out that the icing just likes to stick to you instead of the house. But I still kept trying. Well while I'm trying to hold the roof to the house, I ended up pushing too hard and broke the roof. So I looked over at Adam and told him "Fuck it, we're moving."
I thought it was funny... and sweet. :D So once the house was on the little plastic ground it came with, I picked up a window and started eating it. Even though our ginger bread house was a fail I still had fun.
:)
Adam and I went to the store after I got off of work. Well, we bought a bunch of sugary goodness and a ginger bread house. When we get home we decided to put together our little house. First off, the house was broken in a few spots but I wanted to go ahead and do it while Adam ate our Santa Clause. I soon found out that the icing just likes to stick to you instead of the house. But I still kept trying. Well while I'm trying to hold the roof to the house, I ended up pushing too hard and broke the roof. So I looked over at Adam and told him "Fuck it, we're moving."
I thought it was funny... and sweet. :D So once the house was on the little plastic ground it came with, I picked up a window and started eating it. Even though our ginger bread house was a fail I still had fun.
:)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I remember...
Dearest blog,
I remember being really little and....
I don't know blog, I just felt like saying a few things that I remembered when I was really little. I remember so much more but these are just a few things. I have no idea why my mind was wrapped around these things tonight. I guess maybe it is just because when I was little, things were just so much... easier.
I remember being really little and....
- Trying to wear my dads shoes to walk around.
- I didn't like Barney but Baby Bop was the best.
- Thinking that the alphabet went "L-a meno-P".
- Trying to pull all the heads off my Barbie dolls.
- Shopping with my parents and facing towards my dad and walking on his feet as if I was taking giant steps.
- Filling up the bathtub completely and then getting in it.
- Watching Saturday morning cartoons.
- Having nightmares and my dad would make all the bad guys go away.
- Being sent to my room was the worst.
- Nintedo 64 was the only gaming system we had and only you could blow in your games and make them work.
- My parents kissed me good night.
- If I didn't have anything nice to say then I shouldn't say it at all.
- If mom said "no" that meant go ask dad.
- My favorite color in the crayon box was dandelion yellow.
- Counting past 10 and the number was "Eleventy".
- Going to the auction with my parents and yelling out "Five dollars! Who's in?!"
- Watching the News was like a punishment.
- Falling asleep in the car before we got home so I didn't have to walk to my room.
- Making fun of my moms feet with my dad.
- Hearing that there was nothing prettier than a bare-footed pregnant woman.
- Just wanting to be with my older sister again.
- Christmas was only about presents.
- Eating banana popsicles with my dad and watching Tales From the Crypt.
I don't know blog, I just felt like saying a few things that I remembered when I was really little. I remember so much more but these are just a few things. I have no idea why my mind was wrapped around these things tonight. I guess maybe it is just because when I was little, things were just so much... easier.
Friday, December 17, 2010
"Being me is generally a positive thing, granted being us is even better."
Dearest blog,
I can't sleep right now. Something is on my mind... obviously. It's pertaining to Sir Adam.
Going back to when we first "talked" to each other. He sent me a message on a social networking site and in all honesty at that point in time I didn't really think anything of it other than it was pretty random. I had a boyfriend at the time so I wasn't looking for another guy in my life other than a friend. Well, every once in awhile we would IM each other and talk for a bit.
We met up one night and hung out but again I had plans to move so I didn't expect anything to happen between us other than we would be friends. Well see, one night I was pretty down and I posted my status as "I wish I could hear a man sing to me". There were a few people that sent me songs by bands that had male singers, but none of which I was looking for. Then Adam IMs me and said he sang me a song. It was too sweet. And of course he sent it to me and that's pretty much what one me over.
At this time, I was still "dating" this other boy but I had all intentions of breaking up with him for Adam but of course just because I had a boyfriend at the time didn't mean I wasn't going to hang out with Sir Adam. He would mostly just come and pick me up from work, we'd hang out for a few hours, then he'd take me back to my parents house, and we would IM the rest of the night until one of us fell asleep. However, every time we hung out, we kept it clean. There was no kissing or anything beyond that point. I mean, I was "taken" at this time and I've never been a cheater and never will be one.
Well one night the boy I was dating at the time pretty much made me feel like shit and Adam pretty much just had enough of it and thought, just as I did, that it was time for me to break up with him. So I did. Well that boy pulled the pity card and didn't want me to leave him and all that, but it was too late. Not even 15 minutes after I broke up with that guy, I was hanging out at Adam's house again. I remember it as if it just happened:
Adam and I were sitting on the couch, he had his arms around me, and he said "So how long do I have to wait before I can make you mine?". Needless to say I was already his but I didn't say yes right away....I waited a day if that. Haha. I couldn't say no to him anymore.
Let's fast forward a little....I remember being at work one night and Adam came up there. I don't remember if he came to just see me or if he was taking me home that night but he was there. He was slightly nervous about something, I could see that on his face and he just blurts out this long way to say 'I love you'. It was too cute. He was pretty much trying to say he loved me and say that he knows it's too early and how he thought he shouldn't say it yet but that he just couldn't NOT say it. Too cute. So I kissed him and said it back.
Let's fast forward to tonight.... I was lying in bed next to Adam, listening to him slowly fall to sleep, and all of this just came at me. We met randomly, became friends, started dating, fell in love, and moved in together (which is a long story so that will be it's on blog one day). Never would I have imagined living with, snuggled close to, and in love with this boy that sent me a random message online. But it happened and I'm glad it happened. I'm happy with him. :)
I can't sleep right now. Something is on my mind... obviously. It's pertaining to Sir Adam.
Going back to when we first "talked" to each other. He sent me a message on a social networking site and in all honesty at that point in time I didn't really think anything of it other than it was pretty random. I had a boyfriend at the time so I wasn't looking for another guy in my life other than a friend. Well, every once in awhile we would IM each other and talk for a bit.
We met up one night and hung out but again I had plans to move so I didn't expect anything to happen between us other than we would be friends. Well see, one night I was pretty down and I posted my status as "I wish I could hear a man sing to me". There were a few people that sent me songs by bands that had male singers, but none of which I was looking for. Then Adam IMs me and said he sang me a song. It was too sweet. And of course he sent it to me and that's pretty much what one me over.
At this time, I was still "dating" this other boy but I had all intentions of breaking up with him for Adam but of course just because I had a boyfriend at the time didn't mean I wasn't going to hang out with Sir Adam. He would mostly just come and pick me up from work, we'd hang out for a few hours, then he'd take me back to my parents house, and we would IM the rest of the night until one of us fell asleep. However, every time we hung out, we kept it clean. There was no kissing or anything beyond that point. I mean, I was "taken" at this time and I've never been a cheater and never will be one.
Well one night the boy I was dating at the time pretty much made me feel like shit and Adam pretty much just had enough of it and thought, just as I did, that it was time for me to break up with him. So I did. Well that boy pulled the pity card and didn't want me to leave him and all that, but it was too late. Not even 15 minutes after I broke up with that guy, I was hanging out at Adam's house again. I remember it as if it just happened:
Adam and I were sitting on the couch, he had his arms around me, and he said "So how long do I have to wait before I can make you mine?". Needless to say I was already his but I didn't say yes right away....I waited a day if that. Haha. I couldn't say no to him anymore.
Let's fast forward a little....I remember being at work one night and Adam came up there. I don't remember if he came to just see me or if he was taking me home that night but he was there. He was slightly nervous about something, I could see that on his face and he just blurts out this long way to say 'I love you'. It was too cute. He was pretty much trying to say he loved me and say that he knows it's too early and how he thought he shouldn't say it yet but that he just couldn't NOT say it. Too cute. So I kissed him and said it back.
Let's fast forward to tonight.... I was lying in bed next to Adam, listening to him slowly fall to sleep, and all of this just came at me. We met randomly, became friends, started dating, fell in love, and moved in together (which is a long story so that will be it's on blog one day). Never would I have imagined living with, snuggled close to, and in love with this boy that sent me a random message online. But it happened and I'm glad it happened. I'm happy with him. :)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I see...
Dearest blog,
I know I am slipping. I said that I would write er...type everyday, but to be honest with you, there's some days where nothing at all is going on thus there being nothing to talk about.
However, I managed to get Adam his x-mas present. :D I got him a ***********, *********, and a ****** yeah...I'd tell you guys but he reads my blog too and that would just totally spoil the surprise. But there are 3 gifts....kinda.
In other news, we are dying our hairs again. This time...BLACK. No more pink for me. At least not yet. I decided to change it again. Not because I was tired of the pink, it was just fading and turned into a cotton candy pink and orange color. So, no. It looked alright on me, but I wanted to change it. And I have. WOOT BLACK! ^_^
I know I am slipping. I said that I would write er...type everyday, but to be honest with you, there's some days where nothing at all is going on thus there being nothing to talk about.
However, I managed to get Adam his x-mas present. :D I got him a ***********, *********, and a ****** yeah...I'd tell you guys but he reads my blog too and that would just totally spoil the surprise. But there are 3 gifts....kinda.
In other news, we are dying our hairs again. This time...BLACK. No more pink for me. At least not yet. I decided to change it again. Not because I was tired of the pink, it was just fading and turned into a cotton candy pink and orange color. So, no. It looked alright on me, but I wanted to change it. And I have. WOOT BLACK! ^_^
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The little things.
Dearest blog,
Waking up to drink warm coffee, going outside to smoke a cigarette in the cold, taking warm showers, having clean clothes, working hard and getting your paycheck, coming home at the end of the night to someone who loves you. These are just little things but the little things add up and matter a lot more. I love the little things in my life. :) They make me happy to be around and keep my spirits high.
I think a lot of people take these things for granted. I'm just happy to have them. I think that appreciating the little things make you a much better person. Even if you're not rich with money but you love the little things you get out of life....I think that makes you rich in so many more ways.
I was told once "The saying 'money can't buy happiness' is a lie because have you ever seen a poor man skipping around? No, you see them begging for money." And honestly, I don't think that is entirely true. I think that happiness comes from the things that you do have not the things you want. There are a lot of rich people that can buy anything they want but still never reach the level of happiness they wish to obtain. Although money would help out a poor man and he would be able to have a better roof over his head or even have a roof for that matter, but it might not make him incredibly happy with everything.
So I end this here, enjoy the little things in life, because in an instant you could lose them all and just wish to have them back.
Waking up to drink warm coffee, going outside to smoke a cigarette in the cold, taking warm showers, having clean clothes, working hard and getting your paycheck, coming home at the end of the night to someone who loves you. These are just little things but the little things add up and matter a lot more. I love the little things in my life. :) They make me happy to be around and keep my spirits high.
I think a lot of people take these things for granted. I'm just happy to have them. I think that appreciating the little things make you a much better person. Even if you're not rich with money but you love the little things you get out of life....I think that makes you rich in so many more ways.
I was told once "The saying 'money can't buy happiness' is a lie because have you ever seen a poor man skipping around? No, you see them begging for money." And honestly, I don't think that is entirely true. I think that happiness comes from the things that you do have not the things you want. There are a lot of rich people that can buy anything they want but still never reach the level of happiness they wish to obtain. Although money would help out a poor man and he would be able to have a better roof over his head or even have a roof for that matter, but it might not make him incredibly happy with everything.
So I end this here, enjoy the little things in life, because in an instant you could lose them all and just wish to have them back.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Shot to shit.
Dearest blog,
Do you ever think that you're about to get something and then come to find out you're not getting it for awhile? But I mean, like you've been waiting all weekend and you just had to make it another 7 hours to get it and then you find out its not happening for another, at least, 72 hours?
Dearest blog, what I am referring to is my day off. I spent all day yesterday thinking I had Monday off and today I just had to psyche myself up to get past today so I could have my day off. But once I got to work my boss so pleasantly told me I don't have tomorrow off. My next day off isn't until Thursday. Now, when he told me such a story I had to check the schedule and I'll be damned if he wasn't right. Needless to say, I've been in a bad mood all day.
Now, it wasn't just the fact that my day off seemed to have been pushed back, but a few other things were working my nerves. So I find out my day off is so far away now and my day just downhill spiraled from there. It's in the dinner rush and the new cook that was working with me messes up this man's order, not once but twice. I know I shouldn't really be bothered by that, but I feel like I'm being blamed for that as well. Then it gets to the point where I'm answering phones and this man and his wife curse me out on the phone because they didn't want to pay $55 for their 5 pizzas and 2 liters of soda. They cursed me out like it was my fault, personally, for it coming out the way it did. Then I had some man get really mad at me for hanging up the phone after he left me on hold for 5 minutes. Now this wasn't your normal "Can you hold on a second.". This was "Hey, hold on." and then he actually pushed the hold button and left me there for 5 minutes. There was background music and all.
I don't know blog, sometimes you just have a shitty day. Not only did it start off bad, but every time it looked like it was going to get better, it shot to shit one more time. :-/
Do you ever think that you're about to get something and then come to find out you're not getting it for awhile? But I mean, like you've been waiting all weekend and you just had to make it another 7 hours to get it and then you find out its not happening for another, at least, 72 hours?
Dearest blog, what I am referring to is my day off. I spent all day yesterday thinking I had Monday off and today I just had to psyche myself up to get past today so I could have my day off. But once I got to work my boss so pleasantly told me I don't have tomorrow off. My next day off isn't until Thursday. Now, when he told me such a story I had to check the schedule and I'll be damned if he wasn't right. Needless to say, I've been in a bad mood all day.
Now, it wasn't just the fact that my day off seemed to have been pushed back, but a few other things were working my nerves. So I find out my day off is so far away now and my day just downhill spiraled from there. It's in the dinner rush and the new cook that was working with me messes up this man's order, not once but twice. I know I shouldn't really be bothered by that, but I feel like I'm being blamed for that as well. Then it gets to the point where I'm answering phones and this man and his wife curse me out on the phone because they didn't want to pay $55 for their 5 pizzas and 2 liters of soda. They cursed me out like it was my fault, personally, for it coming out the way it did. Then I had some man get really mad at me for hanging up the phone after he left me on hold for 5 minutes. Now this wasn't your normal "Can you hold on a second.". This was "Hey, hold on." and then he actually pushed the hold button and left me there for 5 minutes. There was background music and all.
I don't know blog, sometimes you just have a shitty day. Not only did it start off bad, but every time it looked like it was going to get better, it shot to shit one more time. :-/
Friday, December 10, 2010
New feeling...
Dearest blog,
After laying on the couch with Adam last night and being so close, I began to notice myself smiling for no reason at all. Looking up at Adam, we make eye contact and his eyes seem to light up like I feel mine do. Laying my head on his chest and hearing his heart beat that calms me. Feeling the warmth and security of him as he holds me close at that moment I was able to ascertain that I am happy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally happy.
Now blog, I'm not trying to be cloying or trying to rub it in anyone's face. I'm just trying to let you know that it's been a hell of a long time since I've felt this way. It's just not the fact that I feel happy, but the fact that I feel happy AND safe. Not many people would guess it, but safety is a huge thing for me in relationships whether it's romantic or just friends. Which is another thing between Adam and I, we're not just dating each other, but we're friends too. It's absolutely wonderful to know you have not just someone that loves you but a best friend that loves to have you by their side and wants you to be in every part of their life. I love the way we are, how we live, how we talk, how we may argue, how we just sit around talking but not really saying anything. I just love the boy.
I don't know if you guys know this, but it's a wonderful feeling to hug someone and you just know you have the entire world right there in your arms. There's nothing like it. But see, there's nothing or no one like him.
After laying on the couch with Adam last night and being so close, I began to notice myself smiling for no reason at all. Looking up at Adam, we make eye contact and his eyes seem to light up like I feel mine do. Laying my head on his chest and hearing his heart beat that calms me. Feeling the warmth and security of him as he holds me close at that moment I was able to ascertain that I am happy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally happy.
Now blog, I'm not trying to be cloying or trying to rub it in anyone's face. I'm just trying to let you know that it's been a hell of a long time since I've felt this way. It's just not the fact that I feel happy, but the fact that I feel happy AND safe. Not many people would guess it, but safety is a huge thing for me in relationships whether it's romantic or just friends. Which is another thing between Adam and I, we're not just dating each other, but we're friends too. It's absolutely wonderful to know you have not just someone that loves you but a best friend that loves to have you by their side and wants you to be in every part of their life. I love the way we are, how we live, how we talk, how we may argue, how we just sit around talking but not really saying anything. I just love the boy.
I don't know if you guys know this, but it's a wonderful feeling to hug someone and you just know you have the entire world right there in your arms. There's nothing like it. But see, there's nothing or no one like him.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Total Success.
Dearest blog,
My mom is a lot better and is out of the hospital. She's up and walking around with out any problems it seems. Also, I made a pot roast tonight in the slow cooker. :) It had potatoes and carrots and it was just over all great. Adam seemed to like it a lot. It was just nice to sit there at the dinner table with him and a real meal. We eat well here, it was just a lot better to know we got to sit there and have a lot left over for another meal. It's just nice. Plus we just did....nothing all day today, thus the reason for such a short blog. Today was a total success.
My mom is a lot better and is out of the hospital. She's up and walking around with out any problems it seems. Also, I made a pot roast tonight in the slow cooker. :) It had potatoes and carrots and it was just over all great. Adam seemed to like it a lot. It was just nice to sit there at the dinner table with him and a real meal. We eat well here, it was just a lot better to know we got to sit there and have a lot left over for another meal. It's just nice. Plus we just did....nothing all day today, thus the reason for such a short blog. Today was a total success.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Here's the story.
Dearest blog,
It's 7 in the A.M. here in lonely little Bluffton, Sc and I'm sitting in bed drinking classic Dr. Pepper and thinking. One would think that a friendship 8 years in the making wouldn't go down the drain like it did, but it did. Not only was I a great friend to Sebrina but I was a great friend to her mom and her little brother. I was there when they seemed to have nobody. In the long run what happened? They turned on me and my boyfriend.
Now let's get this straight. I've never done anything negative towards Sebrina and her family. Sure, Sebrina isn't the brightest crayon in the box but these days there aren't very many of those anyways. I've never thought any less of her and her family. She lives in a trailer just like I grew up in. About 3 years ago I moved into a house with my parents and Sebrina and her family seemed to not like that. I never thought any less of them though. I still went over to see them every weekend if not during the week as well. But October 10, 2010 I moved in with my boyfriend Adam.
I introduced Adam to Sebrina and her family so they could say what they would about him. Make sure he was a good one. :) They loved him. I thought this was fantastic. I mean, what girl doesn't want people they seen as family to love their boyfriend? They never spoke negatively about Adam, they liked him and all was well. Just so happens that Sebrina's boyfriend (Joseph, who moved in with them) needed a ride home from work. Well, this wouldn't be a problem if his job wasn't out of the way from where we live and where I work. So like anyone who is about to go out of the way to get a friend, Adam said that he would get Joseph. Well, I knew that if Adam went to pick up Joseph then we'd be low on gas in the car and I didn't have any money on me and if we were out of gas then I couldn't get to work. So I called Sebrina and asked if they could chip in some gas money. She got mad, said they didn't have any, and hung up on me. And that's when the drama started.
About 3 days ago I commented on a status that belonged to this girl named Skye (who I grew up living next door to and Sebrina lived in the same neighborhood). Skye put on her status "m not in to it i played the game and im not in to it i like real niggas you and really get the FUCK away from me cuz i'll fuck you up i aint about fake im about real" (I copied and pasted that from her status). Now mind you, Skye is 15 and she's speaking this way. So I simply asked her "Why you always talking shit about people?" (Again, copied and pasted) And that's when Sebrina jumped in. See, I told Skye she needed to learn more words other than curse words because only ignorant people use curse words to describe everything all the time. She doesn't really know what "ignorant" means other than knowing it's an insult. But like I was saying, Sebrina jumped in it thinking that I was saying I was better than them and that I'm only like this because I live with Adam.
Rewind: Before Sebrina even said anything to me, she messages Adam and attacks him telling him I'm not happy with him and pretty much saying he should be lucky to have me and for me to be with "the likes of him". There's nothing wrong with Adam. He's a great guy. A lot better than the guys I've dated in the past. Not only did Adam NOT have anything to do with what I said to Skye, Sebrina got her mom into the mix and both of them teamed up on him. Now at this time I was at work so I had no idea this was going on until I called Adam.
Now what makes this all so bad, is I never said anything to Sebrina and yet her and her mother turned on me and Adam. Evidently because she didn't like that I told Skye she needed a higher vocabulary. Now to me, that's not something to throw away a friendship for, but for her, I guess it is. Which is fine with me, I just think that it's a little strange beings we've been through so much. However, I guess some people you think you know, change on you, turn their backs on you, and throw you away.
I think it has something to do with the fact that we share another mutual friend named Kayla. Sebrina and Kayla were pretty good friends as well, but when Kayla started to drive and had her own car, Sebrina kind of left me out in the cold. Sebrina always asked Kayla to take her places even if it was 2 in the morning. So I kind of think that because I told Sebrina we needed gas money, she took it as "Well, Kayla never made me pay for anything." and just wanted to use Adam and I like she did Kayla. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not one that likes being used, nor will I stick up with it.
Sometimes I just don't know, blog. People switch up on you when you never expect it. But I suppose I am better than they are because I would never have turned my back on them the way they did me and Adam. I'm a better friend than that.
It's 7 in the A.M. here in lonely little Bluffton, Sc and I'm sitting in bed drinking classic Dr. Pepper and thinking. One would think that a friendship 8 years in the making wouldn't go down the drain like it did, but it did. Not only was I a great friend to Sebrina but I was a great friend to her mom and her little brother. I was there when they seemed to have nobody. In the long run what happened? They turned on me and my boyfriend.
Now let's get this straight. I've never done anything negative towards Sebrina and her family. Sure, Sebrina isn't the brightest crayon in the box but these days there aren't very many of those anyways. I've never thought any less of her and her family. She lives in a trailer just like I grew up in. About 3 years ago I moved into a house with my parents and Sebrina and her family seemed to not like that. I never thought any less of them though. I still went over to see them every weekend if not during the week as well. But October 10, 2010 I moved in with my boyfriend Adam.
I introduced Adam to Sebrina and her family so they could say what they would about him. Make sure he was a good one. :) They loved him. I thought this was fantastic. I mean, what girl doesn't want people they seen as family to love their boyfriend? They never spoke negatively about Adam, they liked him and all was well. Just so happens that Sebrina's boyfriend (Joseph, who moved in with them) needed a ride home from work. Well, this wouldn't be a problem if his job wasn't out of the way from where we live and where I work. So like anyone who is about to go out of the way to get a friend, Adam said that he would get Joseph. Well, I knew that if Adam went to pick up Joseph then we'd be low on gas in the car and I didn't have any money on me and if we were out of gas then I couldn't get to work. So I called Sebrina and asked if they could chip in some gas money. She got mad, said they didn't have any, and hung up on me. And that's when the drama started.
About 3 days ago I commented on a status that belonged to this girl named Skye (who I grew up living next door to and Sebrina lived in the same neighborhood). Skye put on her status "m not in to it i played the game and im not in to it i like real niggas you and really get the FUCK away from me cuz i'll fuck you up i aint about fake im about real" (I copied and pasted that from her status). Now mind you, Skye is 15 and she's speaking this way. So I simply asked her "Why you always talking shit about people?" (Again, copied and pasted) And that's when Sebrina jumped in. See, I told Skye she needed to learn more words other than curse words because only ignorant people use curse words to describe everything all the time. She doesn't really know what "ignorant" means other than knowing it's an insult. But like I was saying, Sebrina jumped in it thinking that I was saying I was better than them and that I'm only like this because I live with Adam.
Rewind: Before Sebrina even said anything to me, she messages Adam and attacks him telling him I'm not happy with him and pretty much saying he should be lucky to have me and for me to be with "the likes of him". There's nothing wrong with Adam. He's a great guy. A lot better than the guys I've dated in the past. Not only did Adam NOT have anything to do with what I said to Skye, Sebrina got her mom into the mix and both of them teamed up on him. Now at this time I was at work so I had no idea this was going on until I called Adam.
Now what makes this all so bad, is I never said anything to Sebrina and yet her and her mother turned on me and Adam. Evidently because she didn't like that I told Skye she needed a higher vocabulary. Now to me, that's not something to throw away a friendship for, but for her, I guess it is. Which is fine with me, I just think that it's a little strange beings we've been through so much. However, I guess some people you think you know, change on you, turn their backs on you, and throw you away.
I think it has something to do with the fact that we share another mutual friend named Kayla. Sebrina and Kayla were pretty good friends as well, but when Kayla started to drive and had her own car, Sebrina kind of left me out in the cold. Sebrina always asked Kayla to take her places even if it was 2 in the morning. So I kind of think that because I told Sebrina we needed gas money, she took it as "Well, Kayla never made me pay for anything." and just wanted to use Adam and I like she did Kayla. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not one that likes being used, nor will I stick up with it.
Sometimes I just don't know, blog. People switch up on you when you never expect it. But I suppose I am better than they are because I would never have turned my back on them the way they did me and Adam. I'm a better friend than that.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
ICU 3
Dearest blog,
Today Adam and I went to see my mother in the ICU. Room 3. She looked a lot better than she did a few days ago. She was still pretty weak but she's hanging in there.
See, my mom had gastric bypass surgery about 10 years ago which pretty much means they cut pieces of her stomach and intestines so that she ate less and didn't really gain weight. Of course when she had that surgery she was told she'd have no choice but to take vitamins for the rest of her life because her body won't absorb most of them from the food she eats. My mom stopped taking her vitamins about a year ago.
Today we find out that my mom only had 1.7 pints of blood in her entire body and the doctors were wondering HOW she was even walking. Or living for that matter. Come to find out that my mom has pneumonia in her left lung, gall stones, and the walls of her gall bladder are really thick that they want to take it out of her but can't because of the condition she's in. They are going to do a few more tests on her and see if there's anything wrong with her liver and/or kidneys.
As of right now, she's doing slightly better beings she has blood in her body. But she is a little aggravated on the fact that she can ONLY have liquids. No food.
Today Adam and I went to see my mother in the ICU. Room 3. She looked a lot better than she did a few days ago. She was still pretty weak but she's hanging in there.
See, my mom had gastric bypass surgery about 10 years ago which pretty much means they cut pieces of her stomach and intestines so that she ate less and didn't really gain weight. Of course when she had that surgery she was told she'd have no choice but to take vitamins for the rest of her life because her body won't absorb most of them from the food she eats. My mom stopped taking her vitamins about a year ago.
Today we find out that my mom only had 1.7 pints of blood in her entire body and the doctors were wondering HOW she was even walking. Or living for that matter. Come to find out that my mom has pneumonia in her left lung, gall stones, and the walls of her gall bladder are really thick that they want to take it out of her but can't because of the condition she's in. They are going to do a few more tests on her and see if there's anything wrong with her liver and/or kidneys.
As of right now, she's doing slightly better beings she has blood in her body. But she is a little aggravated on the fact that she can ONLY have liquids. No food.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Simple people.
Dearest blog,
You know what's funny? Well I'll tell you. Simple people. Not the easy-going or happy-go-lucky people but the people who are simple minded. Those people that are so ignorant about the world around them and are only concerned about today's pleasures and not tomorrows satisfactions. Those people that don't even care about what they do now that could mess up their entire future.
Examples:
I don't know blog, something about these people just bother me. I'm just not too sure on how these people work their lives out this way. Or should I say nonexistent lives. I don't understand how or why people don't want to excel in life. Why they set themselves up for failure. ~sigh~ I'll never know.
You know what's funny? Well I'll tell you. Simple people. Not the easy-going or happy-go-lucky people but the people who are simple minded. Those people that are so ignorant about the world around them and are only concerned about today's pleasures and not tomorrows satisfactions. Those people that don't even care about what they do now that could mess up their entire future.
Examples:
A 15 year old girl that gets pregnant and has no idea who her baby's father is but the two possible candidates are in jail.
A 17 year old that steals change from her mother just to give it back and get dollar bills for what she just took.
An 18 year old that is trying to get his girl friend pregnant to hopefully keep them together.
A 39 year old that spends her money on clothes that she doesn't need and video games that her kids don't need and complains about not having money for rent.
I don't know blog, something about these people just bother me. I'm just not too sure on how these people work their lives out this way. Or should I say nonexistent lives. I don't understand how or why people don't want to excel in life. Why they set themselves up for failure. ~sigh~ I'll never know.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
When you think you know someone.
Dearest Blog,
I've been best friends with someone for about, oh let's just round up and say 8 years. 8 years? Seems like a pretty good amount of time to know someone, right? Well obviously it wasn't.
Today my boyfriend Adam gets an IM from Sebrina, who I've known for about 8 years and who I've been close to for so long. She was like a sister to me. Now her and her mother, who I considered my god-mother, teamed up and attacked my boyfriend telling him that "I am not happy" with him and that we think "we are so much better than them" because we have "money".
Now, my dearest blog, there have been a few times that Adam and I have been tight on money and had to make our last $20 stretch. There have been times we've had to buy off-brand name items just to make sure we had food in the house. We're not poor but we never claim to have all this so called money either. We're just smarter with the money that do we have and don't blow it all on petty things. We buy our needs before our wants. Always.
Also, I'd say I'm pretty damn happy here. I no longer live with my parents and I'm out on my own with my boyfriend. Is it hard sometimes? Yes, but I've never once told Sebrina or her mom "I'm so unhappy." or that there was anything significantly wrong with Adam and I. Do relationships have their ups and downs? Yes, but sometimes you just keep on fighting and Adam and I have a pretty simple relationship I'd like to think. Unlike Sebrina and her boyfriend Joseph who seem to think it's normal to have one argument and "break up" when they live together under Sebrina's mom's house. Children. Adam and I may have an argument, we say what needs to be said, we get mad for about 2 hours, then we realize what we argued about wasn't that serious, and we move on.
I have never, EVER said I was better than Sebrina and her family. Just because I moved into a house with my boyfriend and no longer living in a trailer anymore like they do. There is nothing wrong with living in a trailer. I lived in one for the first 16 years of my life, then moved into a house with my parents, then at 18 on October 10th, 2010 I moved into another house with my boyfriend, Adam. It never once crossed my mind that I was better than they are or that I shouldn't talk to them because "I have money now". So where they got their so called facts from, is beyond me. They turned on me and my boyfriend not the other way around.
What a day, blog, what a day. Just when you think you know someone, they turn on you.
I've been best friends with someone for about, oh let's just round up and say 8 years. 8 years? Seems like a pretty good amount of time to know someone, right? Well obviously it wasn't.
Today my boyfriend Adam gets an IM from Sebrina, who I've known for about 8 years and who I've been close to for so long. She was like a sister to me. Now her and her mother, who I considered my god-mother, teamed up and attacked my boyfriend telling him that "I am not happy" with him and that we think "we are so much better than them" because we have "money".
Now, my dearest blog, there have been a few times that Adam and I have been tight on money and had to make our last $20 stretch. There have been times we've had to buy off-brand name items just to make sure we had food in the house. We're not poor but we never claim to have all this so called money either. We're just smarter with the money that do we have and don't blow it all on petty things. We buy our needs before our wants. Always.
Also, I'd say I'm pretty damn happy here. I no longer live with my parents and I'm out on my own with my boyfriend. Is it hard sometimes? Yes, but I've never once told Sebrina or her mom "I'm so unhappy." or that there was anything significantly wrong with Adam and I. Do relationships have their ups and downs? Yes, but sometimes you just keep on fighting and Adam and I have a pretty simple relationship I'd like to think. Unlike Sebrina and her boyfriend Joseph who seem to think it's normal to have one argument and "break up" when they live together under Sebrina's mom's house. Children. Adam and I may have an argument, we say what needs to be said, we get mad for about 2 hours, then we realize what we argued about wasn't that serious, and we move on.
I have never, EVER said I was better than Sebrina and her family. Just because I moved into a house with my boyfriend and no longer living in a trailer anymore like they do. There is nothing wrong with living in a trailer. I lived in one for the first 16 years of my life, then moved into a house with my parents, then at 18 on October 10th, 2010 I moved into another house with my boyfriend, Adam. It never once crossed my mind that I was better than they are or that I shouldn't talk to them because "I have money now". So where they got their so called facts from, is beyond me. They turned on me and my boyfriend not the other way around.
What a day, blog, what a day. Just when you think you know someone, they turn on you.
Friday, December 3, 2010
People of the internet.
Dearest Blog,
Tonight after work I was playing this little online game on OMGPOP that I seem to be addicted to. There's a little chat box in which you type and talk to the other players of the games you choose. Well, I was playing against some boy. I don't know his name but he seemed to be a pretty normal kid and I'm sure he is, and playing online with him was pretty mush a blast.
Now a days it's like everyone and there mothers, brothers, and the cousins they are married to have a computer with internet access, so it's not often that you find people of some kind of intelligence on the internet. It just doesn't happen. However, this boy seemed to have some level of a higher intelligence and was slightly (yet well guarded) on what he had to say. The only reason I assumed so is because he was well spoken and didn't talk about ignorant shit that most people on the internet seem to do. I.e. "Oh my gosh, Becky. There was this kid in class today that just stared at me. OMG what a creep." ~rolls eyes~
The only reason for this blog is to say how much fun I had playing with this boy and that there are a select few people on the internet worth speaking with...if you can find them.
Now I'm off to take my boyfriend's glasses off so he doesn't sleep on them. :) He fell asleep already.
Tonight after work I was playing this little online game on OMGPOP that I seem to be addicted to. There's a little chat box in which you type and talk to the other players of the games you choose. Well, I was playing against some boy. I don't know his name but he seemed to be a pretty normal kid and I'm sure he is, and playing online with him was pretty mush a blast.
Now a days it's like everyone and there mothers, brothers, and the cousins they are married to have a computer with internet access, so it's not often that you find people of some kind of intelligence on the internet. It just doesn't happen. However, this boy seemed to have some level of a higher intelligence and was slightly (yet well guarded) on what he had to say. The only reason I assumed so is because he was well spoken and didn't talk about ignorant shit that most people on the internet seem to do. I.e. "Oh my gosh, Becky. There was this kid in class today that just stared at me. OMG what a creep." ~rolls eyes~
The only reason for this blog is to say how much fun I had playing with this boy and that there are a select few people on the internet worth speaking with...if you can find them.
Now I'm off to take my boyfriend's glasses off so he doesn't sleep on them. :) He fell asleep already.
Unwanted Opinions.
Dearest Blog,
What I can't seem to get over tonight is the fact that some people just think that their opinion is needed no matter what the situation might be especially when it's just completely unwanted. It's not the fact that his opinion wasn't the same as mine, it's just the face that he shoves it into my face and claims he's being a "true friend".
Let me tell you the story....
About 2 days ago I cut myself a fringe, bangs if you will, and one of my ex boyfriends decided to send me an IM about how he can't believe I cut my hair. I understood why it would be a shock for those who have known me for such a long time because I've always had long hair. However, he arbitrarily comes out and tells me how he doesn't like that it's cut and doesn't like that my hair is pink. My hair has been pink for about 2 weeks now and like I said, I just recently cut it.
Again, it's not that I didn't like his opinion, because his opinion just like anyone else's is all fine and dandy, but it's the fact that he just thinks that it's all okay for him to say all of this to me because "he's a true friend" and in his words "a real friend is gonna be honest with u no matter if it is rude or hurts not smile and tell u what u want to hear". Which, in his defense, is true. However a "real friend" wouldn't push their unneeded and unwanted opinion on someone.
To me, it just sounds like an ex boyfriend that wishes to get under my skin. In a way he did but only because he kept ignoring the point I was trying to get across (which was that I didn't care what his thoughts on my hair style/color really was).
So needless to say, you just can't be friends with some ex boyfriends. Shit just doesn't work that way. Especially when they seem to think that you are suddenly becoming happy with life and they just want to knock you down.
What I can't seem to get over tonight is the fact that some people just think that their opinion is needed no matter what the situation might be especially when it's just completely unwanted. It's not the fact that his opinion wasn't the same as mine, it's just the face that he shoves it into my face and claims he's being a "true friend".
Let me tell you the story....
About 2 days ago I cut myself a fringe, bangs if you will, and one of my ex boyfriends decided to send me an IM about how he can't believe I cut my hair. I understood why it would be a shock for those who have known me for such a long time because I've always had long hair. However, he arbitrarily comes out and tells me how he doesn't like that it's cut and doesn't like that my hair is pink. My hair has been pink for about 2 weeks now and like I said, I just recently cut it.
Again, it's not that I didn't like his opinion, because his opinion just like anyone else's is all fine and dandy, but it's the fact that he just thinks that it's all okay for him to say all of this to me because "he's a true friend" and in his words "a real friend is gonna be honest with u no matter if it is rude or hurts not smile and tell u what u want to hear". Which, in his defense, is true. However a "real friend" wouldn't push their unneeded and unwanted opinion on someone.
To me, it just sounds like an ex boyfriend that wishes to get under my skin. In a way he did but only because he kept ignoring the point I was trying to get across (which was that I didn't care what his thoughts on my hair style/color really was).
So needless to say, you just can't be friends with some ex boyfriends. Shit just doesn't work that way. Especially when they seem to think that you are suddenly becoming happy with life and they just want to knock you down.
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