Dearest blog,
This is going to those who just graduated High School or who are about to graduate. You pretty much have two choices. One, you move out of your parents house, get a job, and postpone more school (if of course you decided to keep going.). Two, you go to get more schooling and realize that it wasn't all it's cracked up to be.
No one ever tells you that after high school you pretty much have no one. You have your parents, of course, that still talk to you just to see if you are doing alright without them. But all in all, I'm pretty sure after you move out they just kind of call every once in awhile because you're not with them anymore and they miss having someone around the house.
On occasion you'll hear from a friend who you use to go to school with. You have those conversations on how many awesome times you had together. Slowly, deeper and deeper into the conversation you realize they are only talking to you because one of three reasons. One, they themselves have no one to talk to and seen that you were online or not busy at the store. Two, seen that you might not be doing so well and they want to know what's going on so they can give them self some kind of reassurance that they are doing better than you are. Or three, they were a grade younger than you in school and at that particular time, they just wanted something to pass the time.
Hopefully you find someone who loves you, you move in with them and carry on your relationship for along time. Of course everyday holding on and hoping your relationship is for real and not just one of those petty relationships where you're all cute and shit for a little while and then CRASH! Turns to shit. But for the sake of this blog, you guys stay together. :) However, after you have your other you pretty much have no one else unless you seem to make friends at work, but then again you can't trust them really.
This was just a little shock of reality. This is pretty much what happens after high school. Unless of course you go off and blow what little money you make, at your minimum wage job, on alcohol or some kind of drug. I just thought I would blog about this because honestly, I wish someone would have told me this is what to be expected when you graduated.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wings.
Dearest blog,
Tonight, Adam and I were sitting at Wild Wings and I felt completely uncomfortable. So I do what I always do when I'm uncomfortable in public and just sort of stayed quiet, hold back tears, and waited for it to be all over. I think it's more or less just the fact that I do NOT like sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant. I prefer a booth. However, this is neither here or there.
The point of this blow is to tell you about the little girl that sat diagonal from us. She was about 10 or 11 and was over weight and so was her mother. Her and her mother were eating what looked like a burger and they ate it disgustingly. This brought back memories of my mom and I.
I remember being about that age and doing the same thing with my mother. But I also remember not liking to eat where everyone can see me. Because, you know, people do see you and they do judge you, just as I was always very paranoid about. People watch you from afar and make sure you can't see them watching you.
Anyways, while I was watching her and making sure her mother didn't see me staring and thinking I was some sort of freak. I thought about what I wish someone would have done to me when I was her age....just run up, grab my shoulders, shake me and tell me to stop eating because I'm only going to get bigger. I think if someone would have done that to me at that age, I would have been blessed with anorexia or some other kind of eating disorder because no one really messes with you when you're too skinny, but if you're slightly over weight, it's "fuck you".
I guess in my own sadistic way, I was trying to mentally save her from an over weight hell that the world so kindly makes for you.
Tonight, Adam and I were sitting at Wild Wings and I felt completely uncomfortable. So I do what I always do when I'm uncomfortable in public and just sort of stayed quiet, hold back tears, and waited for it to be all over. I think it's more or less just the fact that I do NOT like sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant. I prefer a booth. However, this is neither here or there.
The point of this blow is to tell you about the little girl that sat diagonal from us. She was about 10 or 11 and was over weight and so was her mother. Her and her mother were eating what looked like a burger and they ate it disgustingly. This brought back memories of my mom and I.
I remember being about that age and doing the same thing with my mother. But I also remember not liking to eat where everyone can see me. Because, you know, people do see you and they do judge you, just as I was always very paranoid about. People watch you from afar and make sure you can't see them watching you.
Anyways, while I was watching her and making sure her mother didn't see me staring and thinking I was some sort of freak. I thought about what I wish someone would have done to me when I was her age....just run up, grab my shoulders, shake me and tell me to stop eating because I'm only going to get bigger. I think if someone would have done that to me at that age, I would have been blessed with anorexia or some other kind of eating disorder because no one really messes with you when you're too skinny, but if you're slightly over weight, it's "fuck you".
I guess in my own sadistic way, I was trying to mentally save her from an over weight hell that the world so kindly makes for you.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Religion.
Dearest blog,
Personally, I believe people of different religions can never coexist if we're too hung up on religion in itself. No matter how much Americans say they want peace they won’t take the first step towards it. They, somewhat, wait for it to just happen and just let people fight in the name of religion. With this being stated, it is fair to say that religion has also caused violence.
Religious violence has probably existed for as long as religion. History has done nothing to calm the passions, hatred, and brutality expressed in the name of religion; if anything, the progress of science and technology have enabled religious extremists to hate and kill more effectively. Almost everyone would like to end the violence, but few understand its causes. Even worse, some religious believers are in denial about the causes and connections between violence and their religion. Which makes sense when every religion says to treat others kindly. Then again you can’t do that when you judge people for being different and not a copy of every other American. Many religions proclaim that they are peaceful and opposed to violence, but these same religions generally have traditions in which violence, war, and aggression not only exist but are permitted. However, most religious bigots do not see their own bigotry.
In my opinion the people of the United states of America don't really believe in the First Amendment. The First Amendment says it will protect your right to any religion but not the practice. To me, that is a little like saying “You can stick your hand in the cookie jar but you can’t have a cookie.” People of America may say they do believe in Freedom of Religion and that the law allows it, but in many ways it is not true when most Americans are Christian.
This is my opinion because I have witnessed this first hand. Being a different religion in a Christian society isn't easy. You are judged for not believing in the same thing that everyone else believes in and more than half the time you are told you are wrong, when in their mind they question their faith as well. Because honestly, if you have complete and total faith in your religion then why would you force it down someone else's throat instead of just saying to yourself "God will forgive them." Isn't that what the Christian religion says; that "God" loves everyone and forgives everyone for sinning?
I’m not here to say which religion is right or wrong, I’m here to say that I think people should come to the conclusion that everyone is different and they have the right to worship, think, and believe in what they want. Such as the Article 18 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) states, “Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience, and religion; this right includes freedom to change his(her) religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in a community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship, and observance.”
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Just him.
Dearest blog,
Here's a poem I wrote. Just about him. Ya know? :) Enjoy, I hope you will.
Just him.
His voice whispers through my ears
Like a song of a mocking bird
His thoughtfulness fights away my fears
Like a silent ninja never heard
His smile brings glee about me
Like a child with a new ballon
His eyes completely mesemorize me
Like a bright star next to the moon
His good looks could murderously kill
Like a homocidle maniac
His personality is somewhat confusing still
Like an enemy's plan to attack
His hair is short and wonderful
Like a velvet ribboned bow
His skin is unique and beautiful
Like a single flake of snow
**N0T3: No matter how hard I try to or wish to describe, I will NEVER be able to say what he means to me or how he makes me feel.**
yeah.
Dearest blog,
You know those night when you just realize everything is perfect? Yeah, I'm having one of those nights. Granted, all day wasn't the best of days, but at the end of the night when your with someone who loves you, you see that everything is perfect. Even when that person knows you have flaws and still sees the beauty in everything about you, it's wonderful. Just makes me grateful. <3
That is all.
You know those night when you just realize everything is perfect? Yeah, I'm having one of those nights. Granted, all day wasn't the best of days, but at the end of the night when your with someone who loves you, you see that everything is perfect. Even when that person knows you have flaws and still sees the beauty in everything about you, it's wonderful. Just makes me grateful. <3
That is all.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Yule.
Dearest blog,
I am Wiccan so I don't celebrate christmas, but instead we celebrated Yule. Yule, to sum it up, is pretty much like christmas with out the jesus and the satan clause. We still do big dinners and gifts, but it's pretty much to celebrate the changing of the season.
The reason I want to blog about this is because last night, before 12am, Adam and I were talking about it and he wanted to celebrate Yule instead of "christmas" beings I am Wiccan and he is reasonably an Atheist. So celebrating Yule for him is just "christmas" with out the religion and bull shit stories.
Personally, I loved this. I know most people really wouldn't make a big deal about it, but it's the fact that Adam was willing to celebrate a holiday with me, doing it the Wiccan way. I think more or less it was the fact that I felt accepted and that some one was willing to accept the way I live and celebrate the holidays. It brought me joy. :)
So to everyone else out there. I hope you had/have a wonderful Hanukkah, Merry christmas, Happy Kwanza and a peaceful Yule. :)
I am Wiccan so I don't celebrate christmas, but instead we celebrated Yule. Yule, to sum it up, is pretty much like christmas with out the jesus and the satan clause. We still do big dinners and gifts, but it's pretty much to celebrate the changing of the season.
The reason I want to blog about this is because last night, before 12am, Adam and I were talking about it and he wanted to celebrate Yule instead of "christmas" beings I am Wiccan and he is reasonably an Atheist. So celebrating Yule for him is just "christmas" with out the religion and bull shit stories.
Personally, I loved this. I know most people really wouldn't make a big deal about it, but it's the fact that Adam was willing to celebrate a holiday with me, doing it the Wiccan way. I think more or less it was the fact that I felt accepted and that some one was willing to accept the way I live and celebrate the holidays. It brought me joy. :)
So to everyone else out there. I hope you had/have a wonderful Hanukkah, Merry christmas, Happy Kwanza and a peaceful Yule. :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
A friend.
Dearest blog,
Have you ever met someone that just up and changes your life? For the good though, not in some negative way. I mean, significantly changed your life? I have met someone like that.
About 4 and a half years ago I met a friend online. At first we were just friends that talked every so often then we became friends that talked everyday. To this very day we still talk, which is always great because the friends I make just come and go. They come and go kind of like how Sebrina did. She was in my life for 7 years and turned on me. But this isn't about her. It's about someone else.
Like I was saying, I made a friend that didn't just change the fact that I had one more friend, but he changed the way I thought about things. See, we share the same kind of mental illnesses and how he coped with them is how I learned to cope. How he thought about things in a certain manner is how I eventually learned to think. We share the same religion so we had that "other person" to celebrate with. I mean, he had his friends to celebrate with, but he also celebrated them with me, even though we just did that online. We use to share all our closest, most secret stories to each other. Which I can't lie, it's always nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through. So all in all I'm glad we met.
I just wanted to say that. :)
The end.
Have you ever met someone that just up and changes your life? For the good though, not in some negative way. I mean, significantly changed your life? I have met someone like that.
About 4 and a half years ago I met a friend online. At first we were just friends that talked every so often then we became friends that talked everyday. To this very day we still talk, which is always great because the friends I make just come and go. They come and go kind of like how Sebrina did. She was in my life for 7 years and turned on me. But this isn't about her. It's about someone else.
Like I was saying, I made a friend that didn't just change the fact that I had one more friend, but he changed the way I thought about things. See, we share the same kind of mental illnesses and how he coped with them is how I learned to cope. How he thought about things in a certain manner is how I eventually learned to think. We share the same religion so we had that "other person" to celebrate with. I mean, he had his friends to celebrate with, but he also celebrated them with me, even though we just did that online. We use to share all our closest, most secret stories to each other. Which I can't lie, it's always nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through. So all in all I'm glad we met.
I just wanted to say that. :)
The end.
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